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(1 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[16 May 2004|08:37pm]


new lj name... all of you who havent yet, please add me!!

(4 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[12 May 2004|04:09pm]
new lj name guys!


add me <3

(**Summer Nites**)

[12 May 2004|03:37pm]
[ mood | calm ]

happy birthday miss brittany lynn conroy!

im glad your butterfly at lunch time made you happy.. stealing from mcdonalds is always a thrill lol

(1 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[12 May 2004|07:28am]

im glad we all realized what we needed to, but honestly, lets try really really hard not to have those little fights we always used to, not to talk about each other behind our backs... lets leave that back there as memories of freshmen year k? we have one more year, lets make it a good one.. and these new memories, good ones..

luv ya guys :)

(3 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[11 May 2004|03:22pm]
i guess i didnt realize that i was ever in a group at ishpeming.. i never saw myself as being able to talk to the girls and say "us".. or to even look back and think "what happeend to us?" every person that i've gotten to be best friends w/ at ish, before or after i started going here, i've grown apart from..

ash wrote this in her journal:
So i'm beginning to realize how much things change, how much i've lost touch with people who were my best friends..I really hate it. Yes i do still have the majority of my friends but there is a one in particular that really upsets me but i won't say the name so i don't get bitched at. It's like she became too cool for all of us and she doesn't talk to us unless she has a question about sumthing and thats only when she doesn't have any one else to ask.

and i realized that there was a very good chance she was talking about me.. so i commented:
im going to assume that your talking about me, if not then forget any of this..

but i cant say that you're wrong. but just to get the record straight, i do not in any way think that im better than anyone, especially not you or laurie or anyone else you're talking about..

im sorry if we've drifted apart, im not going to say that it isnt my fault because we both know i'd be lying. part of going through highschool is changing, changing everything, including sometimes, your friends.. its not that you arent good enough or anything, its not that i like you any less, its just that people change, and along with that they need to have people that have the same interests, the same things to talk about.. everything changes, im sorry that it happens to be the case with us.. cuz i really do enjoy looking back on all of our memories and laughign and stuff, but just remember that even if we never hang out anymore and we dont talk much, we'll both always have the memories..

if you ever need me, i'll still be here..

sorry this happened..

<3 nen

and then, the part that really effected me.. brenda commented this:
I'm assuming it's me your talking about, and if it is, will you tell me? and if it's not, I still want you and everyone to know this.

It saddens me that I've drifted apart from all of my friends. What happened to going out to lunch, or going for ice cream, or going to marq? It's my fault that those don't happen. After I stopped hanging out w/ Jenni and her Marq friends, I've became more to my self. I don't know, I would rather sit at home by my self then go out and have friends. Weird eh? I learned by keeping everything in to my self, it causes less fights, and I don't have to worry about my friends being mad at me. I really wish I could go months back and change so many things. I would change how we stoped going out to lunch Ashley, how i stoped hanging out w/ Jenni..I would change spending so much time w/ Justin.. Ashley when you started going out w/ Matt and you both were so happy together, I was jelous..I wanted someone who would be with me and be happy..and love me..and care for me as much as you and matt care for each other. Laure and Alonso are happy...I just wanted to spend all my time w/ Justin, thinking maybe doing that he will love me and we will be happy togehter...but I was wrong...Spending every moment w/ him was a bad idea..

Ashley, I miss hanging out with you :( I miss hanging out w/ Jenni, I miss everyone:( Its so scary that school is almost out, and then we will be seniors. I dont want to fuck anything up anymore with our friendship....I'm so sorry :c( i miss everyone....

Guys i'm sorry :c(

I'm sorry if I act like I'm 'better than everyone else'I'm not better then anyone....No one is better then anyone...we are all alike....

If you wanna go out for lunch someitme this week or whenever you have time Ashley, let me know, I'm up for it..

And Jenni, if you ever wanna hang out, ask or talk t o me about it..

I want things back how they used to be...i love you's all

i realize that all the while i've been thinking i never had a place here, and in doing that i was pushing away people that might actually care about me..

i have been a huge bitch

and im super sorry.. i cant take anything back, i cant say that im not going to hang out with marquette people.. cuz even if i stopped things wouldnt go back to how they used to be.. we have to face it, we arent in middle school anymore and our top priorities arent the girls anymore.. all you guys have boyfriends that take up a large portion of your time.. nothing wrong with that, but its how it is.. and i have friends that i have a little more in common with, and i need them to help me with stuff im going through cuz they understand..

ive learned that its more than possible to have more than one group of friends.. its not meaning that i love any of you any less.. sometimes it turns out to be a lot harder to manage time than i thought, but just cuz im not hanging otu with you doesnt mean im all of a sudden hatin on you..

like i told ash, we'll always have the memories, and hopefully we'll get the chances to make new ones, but if not, no one can take the memories away from you.. except yourself.

(**Summer Nites**)

[10 May 2004|08:24pm]
i had a pretty good weekend.. i just never wrote about it..

Thursday was mostly spent crying at mccartys cove.. no biggy, mikey cheered me up.

then we went back to my house, sammi slept over.. we went to sleep sorta early and woke up at 9 to get ready to go to lunch with james and jeremy.
met them, got little caesars then went back to mshs.. holy people.

then we went to get flowers, brought shauny a card and a flower and the same w/ zac.. hung out at zacs.. mikey and sean were there, then mark and erin came and then randy, chase and amanda.. holy skippers hey? then we left at like 220 to pick up chelly from school, bring sammi to her gmas and then go pick up katie from school.. then i came here and ate some supper and then went to mccartys cove.. we dropped of chel and then went to brian and janets for the dinner thing.. it was cool. i got to see evan :)

then we went to frostys and then mccartys cove. i was cold so jon gave me his socks. then we went to walmart. ig ot home at like 1130.

went to sleep, woke up at like 9, got ready and went to nk. chris and matt watched us. i had to wear jon's shirt cuz both of mine got wet cuz my propel bottle opened in my bag.. cool.

after that i went to zacs and brenna came there, went adn got chelsey and we went to get movies and stuff. painted chads car cuz we're nice friends like that :) haha sexy boy.. never gunna live that down. we saw devon and katie in walmart! and i saw kristen too, i havent seen her since like september.

then we got shauny and went to my house and then my camp. we had a fire and then sauna. greta came out there. we watched gothika, i fell asleep, chad called to yell at us lol.
i guess they watched win a date with tad hamilton..

then we woke up at like 11, greta was already gone. ate breakfast and stuff, went to my house i got ready real quick and then went to eat at tommy's with my family for mothers day. then i went to zacs house. sammi and jess were there. jess left and we watched gothika.. then we watched cold creek manor. jordan came. stupid movie so we shut it off.

then we left, went to frostys, got gas, brought back movies, went to walmart and then went home..

not very eventful.. got ditched too many times than was cool..

oh well.. life goes on!

(**Summer Nites**)

[10 May 2004|05:15pm]
i decided that im giving up caring. im just gunna pretend that everythings fine and dandy because except for a select few and i mean FEW, thats what everyone wants.. they'd rather see me pretending to be happy than to bitch and moan about whats wrong.. even if its something thats tearing me apart..

even though it hurts to realize who doesnt really care, its better to know and not waste my time with them.. i have some of the best friends anyone could ask for that are always there to lift me back up when i fall down, but some of my friends arent very good at it.. its quality not quantity.. so i guess i'll have to deal.

im done caring about people that dont care about me.. and im dont looking for that special person.. obviously im not havin such good luck.. it confuses me as to why i'd want another relationship after my last one turned out like it did.. but whatever.. i have much to high expectations and it just frustrates me to be ignored and invisible.. i also dont want to ruin another awesome friendship.. *he means too much to me as a friend to ruin it with the chance of what might happen in a relationship..

im sorry its taking me so long to get back to my old self.. its not like i got my heart broken.. i might as well start seeing it from everyone elses eyes, because no ones on my side.. its hard to stay true to yourself when you have your best friends telling you otherwise..

im bound and determined to make this summer the best one yet.. if i have to hitch hike to mn and run away from my mom, im going.. i dont care. all im asking for of her is to let me go for my 17th bday.. if people would stop thinking that im gunna go bang every guy i see while im there things would be a lot easier.. im not a fucking slut.. i keep my legs closed but its hard for some people to understand that.. but its gay cuz she has NO reason to think im a slut in the first place..

oh well, whatever.. so far its me, katie, gjeeh, chad, zac.. i doubt it'll happen.. i'll go alone if i must.. i have to get out of here though.. it wont make my summer if i dont go.

(**Summer Nites**)

[10 May 2004|04:41pm]
im so crabby

we cant get a new tire for my car until tomorrow morning, so the nicest day of the year, had plans w/ chad and zac.. now i have to stay home.. COOL! and chad doesnt like driving, so im not even gunna ask if they want to come out here.. i hate living in ishpeming.

i hate it when my moms pissed at my brother, he leaves and she takes it out at me just because im here.. someone has anger problems.

(**Summer Nites**)

[09 May 2004|08:36pm]
he is a stepping stone in your life, you learn about the many different types of guys out there, you know these druggies are bad news, and i'm sure you've had other boyfriends your family and you stoped likeing after a while cause they did something mean or stupid too you, your learning what kind of guy you want, and the other parts of yoru life your learning through school and just living, thats where you learn what you want to be what you like in life and what you want to die doing.... and hunnie dont put yourself down, your a great girl, you were so nice to jordan, i'm not saying you two should stay together cause i know that wont happen and i dont think it shoudl, but your a very nice girl, your pretty, you know stuff about things... you may not be the smartest in the world and you may not know everything, but who wants to know everything, i'm surely positive you'll find a great guy who likes you for what you are, who you are, what you know, and who you know, dont ever let yourself fall for a guy who treats your friends or family or your stuff like jordan did... your worth more, you deserve better.. .. i hope that helps

that made me feel so much better..

(**Summer Nites**)

[09 May 2004|07:46pm]
im tired of being ditched.

im tired of plans changing and no one bothering to tell me..

and if you dont want to hang out in the first place, just tell me.. im sick of people lying to me so they dont hurt my feelings.

i feel so fucking unwanted.

how come the one person that would be totally perfect for me doesnt even see that i exsist?

im tired of feeling sorry for myself, but friends are supposed to be there to pick you back up.. if thats the case where the hell are you guys?

(**Summer Nites**)

[09 May 2004|07:42pm]
i hate sundays.

i watched gothika today.

i saw jordan..

(2 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[06 May 2004|09:57pm]
saw andy lakanen today..

that kids my favorite

nat i saw you

(2 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

i'll love you time a trillion if you do this.. [06 May 2004|03:35pm]
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your Deadjournal and see what I say about you?

(2 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[06 May 2004|03:27pm]
woo happy weekend to me :)

im leaving in like a half hour to go to the track meet at mshs..

i just talked to thai and he told me he was moving to cali.. i guess it makes me wish that i'd gotten to know him a little more and that i hadnt been such a bitch when i was.. i cant hardcore say im going to miss him, cuz there was times when i hated the kid, but we did have some really good talks and he did have faith in me when even i didnt.. so as wierd as it is, im gunna miss him. he told me to email him, so hopefully i dont loose all contact with him.. i know ya wont read this, but thai, good luck.

the whole gjeeh/randy thing is REALLY starting to piss me off... idk if its just me or what.. but when she insists that she doenst like the thing and then ditches her best friends on almost the ONLY day that she doesnt have to work.. idk that cuts deep.. maybe im being overdramatic again, but ugh.. randy griener... not worth it.. sick!

i lost katie.. im scurred lol

(**Summer Nites**)

[05 May 2004|11:00pm]
"i would pound her giner like no other" - chad

"hey dont be hatin" - me
"lol i'm not i'm crushing" - chad

too funny at 11 pm... way past the kids bed time

(**Summer Nites**)

[05 May 2004|07:30am]
yesterday was a lot of fun.

katie and gjeeh came over after school and we hung out here for a while, rocked some cky and colored lol and then we went to brian and janets. we went to walmart and got this lady bug aiir freshener thing.. if my car wasnt a peice of crap its wings would flap! its cool.

when we got to j & b's and janet wasnt home yet so we went inside and did our homework and gjeeh did the dishes.

we hung out w ith janet and then turk, jen and brian came home. me and turk have the same bday!

we laughed sooo hard about so many retarded things and gjeeh and jen did.. it was a good time lol. we ate wayy too much food but it was really cool lol.

brians going to minnesota next week and he totally wont let us go with! thats harsh..

only 2 more days of school for this week..

(**Summer Nites**)

[04 May 2004|07:32am]
dude no one rights in their lj's anymore.. what happened??

(1 Memories | **Summer Nites**)

[01 May 2004|12:21am]
I swear this'll be fun...
Post a memory of me in the comments. It can be anything you want. Then post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.

(**Summer Nites**)

[30 Apr 2004|07:25am]
usually a group of friends have a lot of things in common.. but our group.. doesnt.

we're all SO different.. i should have expected this big of an arguement a lot sooner than it came..

we all are different, so we all have our different opinions, and that just caused problems, for our first time in almost a year..

talking to chelsey makes me realize a lot of things.. and as much as their opinions hurt me and i dont want them to mess up, i have to let them learn for themselves.. maybe they'll be lucky and they wont get hurt and they'll end up thinking i was wrong til the end, and maybe they'll be lucky and only get caught and not die or end up in rehab.. but as long as they know im here.. its ok.

some people arent who/what i thought they were but i guess its better i know?

i wanna meet new people.. like that live around here.. life is getting way too routine.. i want some new friends :-/

(**Summer Nites**)

[08 Mar 2004|07:31pm]
natalie, sarah.. anyone else that would know

is there anything good/bad i should know about thai yang or scott mcmillan??

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